Unfeel

Abuse, more than just physical. The physical scars heal, but what about the mental abuse? The verbal abuse? The emotional abuse? Those are things you can’t “unfeel.” Those scars will always be there. Maybe they will scab and become a distant memory or maybe those scabs will reopen in the next relationship. I remember back in school, we would say, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” How naive we were, words hurt more than blows to the physical body. They replay in your  head, you relive those moments, and you start becoming a person you barely know. Your happiness is drained from you and begin losing your identity. You begin to answer to names you should have never been called, “fat,” “ugly,” “stupid,” only to name a few. You begin to feel unworthy of anything more than abuse. You find yourself apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong. It takes a toll on your physical being, you find yourself depressed, isolated, and wondering if anything in life is worth it. Abuse is not something you outgrow. You may move on, but those pains will always be there. Abuse is something you cannot “unfeel.”

I cannot unfeel the pain you caused

The shame you evoked by magnifying my flaws.

I cannot unfeel the heart break I felt

The agony, despair & anguish I was dealt.

I cannot unfeel the embarrassment I went through

The humiliation, the hurt, as I was subdued.

I cannot unfeel the nights I cried

The nights, small pieces of me died.

I cannot unfeel the moments I wanted to give up

I couldn’t take anymore, pain overflowed my cup.

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