“Bitter Broads”

Image result for bitter womenYou know the warm fuzzy feeling you get when that special someone calls? And that tingling feeling you get in your stomach from being in love? You know how it is to be in love right? Yeah, me neither. And I’m tired of everyone around me acting like they are so in love. They know like I know that everybody cheats. Men, women, boys & girls. But especially men.

You wanna know where your prince charming is? Somewhere cheating. What about the “knight in shining armor?” Somewhere in another woman’s face lying and hyping her up. And guess what else? She is believing it. He’s texting her and 3 other women the same “good morning beautiful” text and every time he posts a status on social media about his girl or “bae,” they are all believing that she is the one he’s referring to. She’s telling the world that she’s in love & can’t live without her bae. She’s surfing the internet looking for wedding dresses and planning her dream wedding because she has met the man of her dreams. Meanwhile, he’s in some other woman’s DM or inbox getting her number making her feel special too. I swear some of y’all mamas raised boo boo the fool.

I’m convinced, ain’t no such thing as love & the people that are “in love” are faking the funk just to say they have somebody. These men got these women out her looking stupid and then they get mad when somebody  try to tell them that their man is for everybody.

That love stuff is for the birds and those men ain’t nothing but old bats, buzzards, chickens, and turkeys. Love ain’t real. I’m starting to think it’s just a myth.

These women that are “in love” think they are winning but in reality they’re losing. You know what they are losing? Their minds. Especially if they think they are the only one. What’s even crazier is when a man approaches you and you bring up the fact that he has a girlfriend, he has the nerve to say stupid things like “I can have friends” or “what my girl don’t know won’t hurt her” like that justifies cheating. I start thinking to my self, “well, she’s gonna know ‘cuz I’m gonna tell her.” Then I snap myself out of that trance, knowing good and doggone well that she wouldn’t believe me if I did try to tell her.

See, men like that are single in your inbox begging for a phone number & time to “chill” but are the same men “in love” on Facebook. Boy, please! They are the first ones participating in “Woman crush Wednesday.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes at that kind of foolishness. I’m not hating on nobody’s relationship but I know half of them ain’t what it’s crapped up to be. All men gonna do is lie and cheated all they want from women is “a little piece of tail,” booty calls, wham bam thank you ma’am, hit it and quit it, smash & pass or whatever you want to call it..

You may think I am a Bitter Broad, but I’m not. I have my reasons. Let me tell you about Lamont. Or maybe Tyrone. Or maybe Rondell. You’ll get the picture.

“I Want Him Back”

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It had only been maybe a day or two after the “break up” and I was still thinking and planning on how I could get my man back. I went back and forth with myself about whether or not he was worth getting back. Yeah, he had dogged me but like I said a thousand times before, he was the love of my life. I didn’t know how to continue each day without him. You would’ve thought that each day would’ve gotten easier but for me, it was just the opposite.

I wanted so desperately to talk to him. I fought every morning not to send a “good morning” message and I fought even harder not to call at night for our nightly “fall asleep on the phone” conversation. Living in the same community made this break up thing a nightmare because I would randomly bump into him at the stores and he would waltz right past me like he never knew me, like I never meant anything to him. I don’t know how he was able to do that. How could he walk past me without a second glance? And then he would have the nerve to have another woman on his arm, in fact, one of the same women he swore to me he had no involvement with. I think that’s one of the things that broke me down the most. I would have never been able to walk past him and not feel anything. In fact, the thought of him created one of two emotions in me: love or pain. Maybe it’s just a woman thing. Either way, it didn’t make the pain hurt any less.

I wondered to myself all the time if he still had my number in his phone or if he erased my number like he erased me from his memories.

“Cold world” was all I could think.

          Days continued passing by and I was learning slowly how to live without him. What choice did he leave me? I had to get over him whether I liked it or not. So, do you know what I did? I bet you wouldn’t even guess. Okay, stop guessing, I’ll tell you. I made an eHarmony account. Go ahead, laugh all you want. I had to do something to get my mind of Malcolm.

I had seen all the commercials about eHarmony before so I decided to go for it. I mean, what harm could it be? It was just innocent fun. Heck, I thought, I might as well go for them all. It won’t no shame in my game, after I made my eHarmony account, I made one for Zoosk, match.com, blacksinglesmeet.com, Badoo, Tinder, and militarycupidsingles.com, just to name a few. They were all the same if you asked me and I found that the same men that were on one, were on all the others.

There were a few delectable men on the sites but I found that they were pretty empty headed when I talked to them. The first problem was, I was probably comparing them to Malcolm. The other guys were trying to get married and I won’t trying to do all that. All I wanted to do was have fun for now.

I met a guy named Rex. He was pretty okay, I guess. He wasn’t Malcolm but he would have to do for now. He was saying all the right things, none of which I was buying. I knew how men lied. If Malcolm never taught me anything else, he taught me not to trust nothing that slides out of a man’s mouth because their talk was slick. I guess that was equivalent to his “never trust a big butt and pretty smile” theory of women.

I kept hope alive. I just knew that one day I would meet my knight in shining armor, but for now, the boy in aluminum foil would just have to do.

The second guy’s name was Lance. We matched on Tinder. I don’t exactly know what it was about him that made me swipe right but I did it anyway. I was pretty sure that we wouldn’t match. He just seemed like he was a little bit out of my league.  He was ambitious, handsome, and intelligent, nothing like Malcolm. In fact, Lance was the complete opposite of Malcolm. I liked him pretty okay I guess. The problem was he wasn’t Malcolm. “Get yourself together girl, he ain’t Malcolm and ain’t nobody Malcolm but Malcolm. Get over it,” my brain started yelling at me.

“The Break-Up”

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I had just gotten out of a long term relationship with the ex-love of my life, Malcolm. To me, he was the best thing since slice bread, but apparently about a dozen other girls thought the same thing. He wasn’t drop dead gorgeous but he was decent enough to take home to mama. With that being said though, you couldn’t tell him that he won’t the fine as wine Idris Elba or Denzel Washington. He had this bizarre idea that he was God’s gift to women and every woman wanted him. And as crazy as the idea sounded, it was almost true because very seldom did a woman turn him down. I hated the attention women gave him but most of all, I hated the attention he gave them back.  Even with all that, he was still the first love of my life and when things began to get rocky and go left a little bit, we were still rocking until things got back right.

We had an odd relationship but as a matter of fact, it was more like a situationship. We weren’t what he called “together” but it was more so an agreement or understanding between us. It was one of those, “what’s understood ain’t got to be explained” situations or more precisely, “I’m single but you’re in a relationship” idea where he would do what he wanted but if I so much as thought about another man, he would be down my throat before I could even say hello. He wasn’t obligated to answer my phone calls but I had to answer the phone with much swiftness when he called me or I would automatically be deemed as a “cheater,” which I never understood especially since he always made it clear that we weren’t together. “You ain’t my girl” he was always saying but the moment he thought I was interested in someone else or I caught someone else eye, he would turn to me and say “Why you looking at him? You want him or something?” I never understood that either. He was extremely jealous and never wanted me to go anywhere but he swore on his life, his mama life, and everybody else life that it was because he cared so much. I always thought it was because he was so scared that I was gon’ see him or someone was going to tell me that he was running women and chasing coattails. But either way, he was still the love of my life. I loved him. I was in love with him at one point. I know you’re probably wondering how I put up with him for so many years and trust me; I asked myself that every day.

We had grown used to each other and the crazy “off and on” bond we shared so it was hard for me to accept the fact that we were really over. I mean, I just knew he was going to be my husband and he sold me broken dreams that someday I would be his wife. He was gassing me and I was believing the hype. Why wouldn’t I? He was the love of my life and one thing about me, I hate starting over. I didn’t want to spend another year or so of my life investing time and using energy only to end up with nothing and no one. Plus, I wasn’t even sure another man could even measure up to Malcolm. The dating scene was never really for me and it was just by luck that I ended up with Malcolm. Malcolm was one of the smoothest men I knew. We met when I was younger, I won’t go into details about how much younger, just know that I was younger. My pull up game was pretty strong and evidently, he liked it. He had made every attempt to brush me off but I won’t having it. Eventually, he stopped trying to ward me off and just accepted the fact that I wasn’t going anywhere. Some women would say it was desperate or thirsty but I didn’t care, if I saw something I liked, I went after it; more often than not, when I went after it, I got it. Just like that!

Everything started out so good. He would take me places all over the city and I introduced him to things that he never experienced growing up. I thought things would be great and the future looked promising. Or at least it did to me. The one thing I noticed about him right away was he didn’t want to take me nowhere local. He always claimed it was because it won’t nothing to do, but I think it’s because he didn’t want to be seen with me just in case he ran into one of his other boos. I knew he was telling other females he wasn’t involved with me (I was young but I won’t dumb) and naturally, they did what single women do: believed him.

For some reason, women always hung on to his every word and couldn’t seem to see him for the lying dog we all knew he was. But, he was the love of my life. It wasn’t like our relationship was so great so why was I having such a hard time letting him go? I’m thinking it’s because, you guessed it, he was the love of my life.

He didn’t even have the balls or decency to tell me we were over. He just stopped texting all of a sudden and stopped answering the phone when I called. He would see me in the streets and wouldn’t even speak. I mean, what part of the game was that? It confused me especially since he was telling me before about how “in love” he was with me. He went from jealous boyfriend to nonchalant ex-lover in a matter of 2 seconds flat. I had gotten the word from the community hoe that he was spotted talking to some other chick out in the open in broad daylight. Clearly, not even hiding anymore and didn’t seem to care whether I knew about them or not.

Even with all this, I just couldn’t seem to let him go. I wanted him and a part of me felt like I needed him. He had been my security blanket and safety net for so long. I didn’t have the energy or the interest to be out on the dating scene again. What on Earth was I going to do?

“The Pack’s Pact”

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Madeline Turner sat alone at the lunch table. It was the first day of her freshman year and she had just transferred to Lake Longwood Academy after her last little mishap at Cedar Beech Academy. A “mishap” that she dared not speak of but thought about often. She couldn’t help that the little girl died. It wasn’t her fault. In fact, the little girl’s cause of death really wasn’t confirmed.

Madeline looked around her and saw the hustle and bustle of bright blue eyed shapely freshmen girls with long blonde hair that flowed and suddenly grew self-conscious of her dull stringy brunette hair, dead brown eyes, and stick figure. She wasn’t the best looking or the most outgoing girl but she was willing to do anything to befriend the other girls.

Madeline was described by her former teachers as quiet and reserved, a loner. She knew for herself that she was hard to get to know and a private person but also very observant of others and her surroundings. She had to be this way because she was the one on watch when her “friends” at Cedar Beech tortured that poor little girl. She never spoke of the incident to her mother, but her father knew. That’s how she ended up transferring to Lake Longwood. Her father called and pleaded with her mother to let him have custody of Madeline for a few years and reluctantly her mother agreed. This was her father’s effort to make sure Madeline didn’t get caught in the case of the missing girl. Madeline didn’t even know what the girl’s name was, but it didn’t matter anyway because the little girl was dead and long gone. She kicked herself in the butt plenty of times for allowing herself to be persuaded into such a horrible task. She couldn’t believe that she was even involved with such people that would even want to commit such an act. She wasn’t like those monsters. They were heartless, soulless, and emotionless; and although she had always been fascinated by assassins, she wouldn’t have dared executed a murder. But she was present when it happened so I guess that made her guilty by association.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a tall skinny blonde haired blue eyed girl that she had just seen walk by. “Hi!” the skinny girl said so enthusiastically. “Hello!” Madeline replied with her head bowed and too afraid to look up to see the girl. “Wanna sit with us?” the bubbly girl asked Madeline. This question caught Madeline’s attention and she glanced up to see the crazy girl asking her to socialize. “Sure,” Madeline said awkwardly. “This girl has no idea who she’s talking to,” Madeline thought. “I’m probably the most socially uncomfortable person she’s ever met and above all, I absolutely hate “happy people.” It’s nothing to be that happy about all the time,” her thoughts continued and she noticed that her fist was balled up and she began to be filled with unprovoked anger. She was already skeptical of the skinny girl’s motives for asking her to eat with the group of “perfect girls” and this bubbly personality was making her angrier. She was surprised the girl even knew she existed.

“So are you coming?” the skinny blonde asked. “Oh yeah,” Madeline said, getting up to follow the blonde. “My name is Anya, by the way. Anya Blackburn,” she said to Madeline. “Oh ok, nice to meet you Anya. I’m Madeline,” Madeline replied shyly. “Oh cool,” Anya responded. “You can meet the girls,” she continued. They finally stopped at the table that would be their “assigned table” for the rest of the year. The other two girls stopped eating and looked up briefly before they went back to eating without really acknowledging either girl. “Cut it out you guys,” Anya said to them. The two girls huffed and puffed before turning about to Anya and Madeline. “Hi,” they said in unison. “Don’t pay them any mind,” Anya said to Madeline. “It takes them a while to warm up to new people,” she continued. “It’s fine,” Madeline said emotionlessly. She didn’t seem to be bothered by the girls’ lack of manners. “This is Audrey Connor and Brooke Alexander, my best friends,” Anya continued without seeming to realize just how unbothered and uninterested Madeline was in meeting them. “Nice to meet you,” Madeline said expressionless. Brooke and Audrey just stared at her. “You’re strange,” Brooke said with a beaming smile on her face. “Thanks, I guess,” Madeline said kind of blushing. It was almost a compliment when others commented on her strangeness. “Sit down, we don’t bite,” said Anya. “Except Audrey, she is kinda weird like you,” Brooke said giggling. “Shove it,” Audrey said easily offended. “I was just joking Audrey,” Brooke said sensing the animosity. “Whatever,” Audrey shot back. Madeline was really starting to feel uncomfortable sitting with these catty females. But she needed them to execute the plain.

“The Wiz Kid”

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The wand spat out little pieces of fire. We gathered around crouched down to see what was going to happen next. We had never seen a magic wand before except the ones on T.V. But every time the commercial came on, mama turned. The fire stuff was followed by a loud kaboom. We were startled and jumped but giggled and clapped our hands with excitement. Lights and sparklers whizzed and whirled around the room flying past our heads, buzzing like the sound of a worrisome mosquito in the summertime but we didn’t care. You know why? Because just like that, in the blink of an eye a spell had been cast and we were there to see it with our own two eyes. My mother would kill me if she knew I was standing this close to a real life wizard. Mama didn’t believe in magic. She tried to make me doubt that it was real but she couldn’t change my mind. I knew better. Magic is real. It’s always been real to me. I know fake things, like the monsters under the bed, or the wrestling seen on t.v. But magic was different. Magic was real.

I’m only 8 but I’ve spent a lot of my life reading about Harry Potter researching spells and yada yada, learning everything I could about magic. Don’t tell mama I told you but I believe in muggles too and you wanna know what else? I think mama might be one of them.

“I Will, I Do, I Did”

ONCE UPON A TIME…

“You may now kiss the bride,” Minister McNeill said. Amani and Braxton kissed and the crowd cheered. They were ofridingficially Mr. and Mrs. Higgins. And they lived happily ever after. But not quite.

It was the most beautiful spring day, May 16th to be exact. The sun was bright and hung heavenly in the air illuminating but not extremely and painfully hot. The air was fresh, crisp, and lightly kissed my freshly made up cheeks. The wedding bells were ringing and “love was in the air.”

Today was the day that I, Amani Alana Weathers, was going to change my Facebook relationship status from single to married. Braxton and I had a long lasting love but a short engagement but, I didn’t care. I had been waiting all my life for a man like Braxton and God had finally answered my prayers. I thought. (But oh how I wish now that He didn’t and just let me go on living as a damsel in distress).

Let me start from the beginning so I can catch you up to speed….

I’ve Been Waiting for You 

I’ve been waiting for you…
                     Hello love…
            I’ve been waiting for you. Waiting to be loved, valued, appreciated, and “spoiled.” Yes, I’ve been waiting to be spoiled, not spoiled materialistically because I work, I have a career and I can finance myself. I’ve been waiting to be spoiled with your time, your affection, your love, your compliments and your affirmation.
I’ve been waiting for you to love me and respect me and my kids, your kids, our kids as I do the same.
I’ve been waiting to be wanted. I’ve been waiting for you, someone that loves me for me. I’ve been waiting for you to truly love me without a hidden agenda, without reservations, and without ulterior motives.
I’ve been waiting for you to love me when I’m moody, which may be more often than I would like to admit or maybe sometimes more than you can stand. Love me when I’m a mess. Love me on my best day but love me more on my worst. I’ve been waiting for you to love me when I lose weight or love me when I gain. Love me when there’s sunshine in our life, but love me the most when it rains.
I’ve been waiting for you. Someone to inspire me, motivate me, and challenge me to become a better woman. I have been waiting for you to love me and my child(ren) as if they are biological and have our best interests at heart.
I’ve waited patiently and sometimes often ask myself, where are you? Will you ever come? Have you arrived and I’ve neglected you? Some days, I cry out to the Heavens, begging and pleading the Creator to send me the creation I’ve been waiting for.
If you’re out there, anywhere… just know
“I’ve been waiting for you”

–excerpt from I Am Woman: The Naked Truth 

Tag, You’re It!

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Leaves crunched under her feet as she found herself lost in a full sprint somewhere in the thickness of the woods. Every step she ran, the leaves crunched louder. She had only been running for about four minutes but to her, it felt like a lifetime. She sprinted further and further in the dead of the night. The air was eerily and deathly cold. Perhaps, suggesting to others what took place on that night, only a few moments before. She couldn’t stop running until she was far enough away that hounds couldn’t sense the blood on her sneakers. Blood that matched the stains on her satin shirt dripped from her fingertips and sweat was trickling from her pores. But she had to keep running until she felt like she was safe. Her chest was on fire and it burned with each breath she attempted to take and though she never suffered respiratory problems before this moment, her lungs felt like they were collapsing as she gasped for air. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears and the thud of her feet slapping the ground as she ran. Her legs ached. Her feet were beginning to feel like lead and becoming heavier to move but she kept racing until she was certain that she was out of sight. Twigs and sticks that were frozen to the earth snapped loudly underneath her trample; the sound of the sticks sounding off as gunshots in the stillness of the night. She ducked but somehow never broke her stride.

The darkness of the night blinded her and nature had become another opponent of hers as she struggled to run for her life. Nothing was on her side. She grew weary and tired but she knew that if she dared to stop running, they would catch her. And when they did, it was no telling what they were going to do. All she knew was, they would finish what they had started.

At the brink of the woods, she found herself stumbling onto a highway. Not an interstate highway that was always busy or jam packed with cars bumper to bumper, but a quiet country highway with one or two occasional cars that happen to pass through. She straggled into the middle of the road standing with her arms outstretched. Bright lights appeared around the bend and they got closer but she still didn’t move. Right now, she didn’t care if she met her fate in the middle of the road. Nothing would be as bad as the crime that was just committed. The car made a screeching halt. The smell of burnt rubber burned her nose and the smoke from the engine’s abrupt stop ate at her breath. “Ay, what’s wrong with you lady,” the man said to her as he jumped out of his car. “You could’ve gotten killed,” he continued. She didn’t know what happened. She blacked out. All she remembered was the blade in her pocket sliding inside of his smooth silky skin over and over. She jumped in his car and took off, leaving him there in the middle of the road. Just another roadkill to be eaten by scavengers. “Tag, you’re it!” she said out loud as she pulled away.